Ep. 222: Finding Her Worth Through 12+ Years of Infertility, with client Kelsey

Kelsey & her husband have been struggling through what she calls "long haul" infertility for the last 12 years. Throughout her trying to conceive journey, she's questioned her worth, cried out to God on the floor, and seen dozens of doctors. In the midst of it all, she is clear that God has been faithful and present as He's open and closed doors. Twelve years into marriage, they are the parents of 4 children through adoption and finally ready to share some of their good story with the world. Listen to Kelsey share how she rediscovered her worth as a woman and why she continues to pursue certain medical treatments even in the midst of the unknown.

GUEST BIO: Kelsey is a wife, mama to four through adoption, and a holistic dietitian living on a small organic farm in Tennessee. She is also a client of Woven Natural Fertility Care.

NOTE: This episode is open about some of the challenges related to foster care and adoption.

SHOW NOTES:

Ep. 109: Should all Christians adopt?, with guest, Kelley Ramsey

Ep. 37: Infertility 101

Ep. 64: Unexplained Infertility

Ep. 208: Unexplained Secondary Infertility Didn't Sit Right With Her, So She Got Answers. Client Story: Magan

Transcript

Caitlin Estes (00:25)

Welcome back to the Woven Well podcast. I truly believe that a key part in empowering and educating women is connecting them with other women walking the same journey. It's so important that we all know that we're not walking it alone. Because of that, each month we have episodes with real clients of Woven Natural Fertility Care to hear their stories and gain insight and encouragement from our community of women.

Well, today's guest Kelsey is a wife, mama to four through adoption and holistic dietitian living on a small organic farm in Tennessee. She is also a client of Woven Natural Fertility Care. And so I can't wait for you to meet her. Kelsey, welcome to the show.

Kelsey (01:04)

Thank you. I'm so excited to be here.

Caitlin Estes (01:07)

Excited as well. There's so much that we can talk about but you and I began working together about two years ago but of course your fertility journey began long before that. So would you mind sharing some of that with us?

Kelsey (01:22)

Yes, I'll give the very short version because as you say, it's been a long journey for us. We've been married for 12 years and early in our marriage, you know, right away we wanted to have kids. My husband is nine years older than me, so we were ready to go with that.

You know, no one in our family has ever had trouble conceiving. So for us, it was really surprising that it didn't happen quickly. And I knew that I had some health concerns and had struggled with some gut issues and things like that for a while, but never thought it would impact my fertility. And so quickly, you know, we went to a primary care doctor. We didn't know anything about who to go to, you know, and all we knew was, okay, talk to your either gynecologist, your OB-GYN, maybe an IVF clinic. And so that was the road that we kind of initially took around the two year mark. We ended up going to a reproductive endocrinologist in Virginia where we were at the time. And they did a very small workup, nothing big. And we're like, well, we don't really see anything major happening here, but that doesn't matter to us. We can kind of overcome that is what they said. Well, that didn't really sit well with us. knew that ethically, just didn't, it didn't fit our value system to go down the IVF road. You know, so we tried IUI that didn't do anything for us. I had acupuncture. I visited lots of functional medicine specialists, OBGYNs. By the time I was 27, I was being told that you're just getting older. So, you know, this kind of thing happens with spotting and things like that. I'm like, really? I don't feel like I'm that old. And so, at that point, decided, okay, know, adoption was always for us on the table, especially for me. I grew up overseas for a lot of my childhood and we worked with orphans and in orphanages. So adoption wasn't a, like a secondary option for us. It was a, at some point, you know, but we first thought, okay, let's see if we can have biological kids. So we entered into foster care and that was because we were getting out of debt and we didn't have the money to pursue a very expensive adoption. Now I've learned since that there's lots of grants for that. so we did and we were quickly placed with a sibling set of three toddlers and we have, they've been in our family now for nine years. So they're adopted at this point. But so we did that. And then while the wild still trying to conceive and still we actually went back to the IVF clinic.and thought, okay, let's see what this looks like again. And the Lord firmly shut that door after the man told us that it doesn't matter what issues I have with my body, he can overcome all of that. And that he wouldn't allow us to just do natural IVF without medication. And the Lord just really spoke to me. I mean, this was really during the time where I would be on the ground in tears just with this journey of so painful and not understanding why everybody else gets pregnant and, you know, my value was very tied up in not being able to conceive. So, you know, I thought, well, my worth and my value, like, why can't I? You know, there must be something wrong with me if the Bible says that there's children are reward from God. Like, what am I doing wrong? And the Lord spoke to me when we went to the IVF clinic and he shut that door that, hey, maybe pregnancy at all costs isn't worth it. And the financial stress, the marriage stress, the stress to my body, maybe God has a different plan. And so now fast forward, you know, many, many more years past that point, we now have last year adopted through domestic private adoption, our fourth little guy, and he's amazing. But, but all the while still trying to conceive and then 2024, like Caitlin said, we started working together after I heard about NAPRO technology through a podcast.

And I thought, where has this been all of my journey? And so here we are. It's a very up and down journey, but it's been worth it. I've learned a lot.

Caitlin Estes (05:28)

Absolutely. And I really appreciate how open you are about your adoption story because for me, it's been a joy to see the Lord grow your family, you know, in that way. Although, you know, I only got to see one, but I've seen your beautiful family and I love to see how the Lord's been putting it together. And I think adoption is often mentioned to couples who are experiencing infertility, but not everyone is called to adoption.

 Would you mind sharing how you all knew that adoption was right for you? Because that can be a hard call to make.

Kelsey (06:05)

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, part of it I said before was that I knew when I worked with orphans in Africa and in Thailand that I was going to do that someday or I hoped that I would. And so that was there. But then also, you know, as we were pursuing different things in all the ways we could, the Lord just opened that door for us to do that. And I had never heard of foster care. And that was the avenue that God opened for us to minister. And I will say that is not, like you said, not everyone is called to it. It is a very hard journey. It is not something to take lightly. And one thing my husband drew, and I always say to people who ask us about it, is if you're not on the same page as a married couple, then don't even go down that road because you must be a team. Because you will face a spiritual battle like you have not experienced before and especially parenting children from hard places through trauma. It requires, I'm not saying we have all the answers at all. It's been a very hard journey It's been through a lot of tears. We love our children, it has taught us something very much about trusting the Lord and relying on Him for the strength when we feel at our wits end. And so, but it also is worth it. It's a huge sacrifice, but it's so worth the sacrifice because I've said to the Lord, okay, you if I need to lay down my fertility, you know, desires to conceive biologically, to give a home to children that may not have anywhere else to be, then okay, you know, I'm gonna do that. And that has come through a lot of years of crying to the Lord for that. It's not like I've come to that conclusion very quickly--idea of surrendering, surrendering to the Lord. My plans and my desires to come under the authority of His will for my life. So I just think that the Lord will, you'll know if you've been called to that.

 Caitlin Estes (08:05)

Yeah, I really appreciate the fact that you all didn't even know what foster care was, but when you felt the Holy Spirit leading you in that direction, you adapted, you learned about it, you pursued the courses that you need to take and, you know, to get the paperwork signed and all those sort of things to be able to pursue it. And then in the midst of being an adoptive family, you're so open about the fact that it's, it's not always easy. I think that's of course true for all parenthood and all of life, you know, in general, but I appreciate your honesty there because this is true. Anyone you ask, any parent on the face of planet is struggling in some way, but it's important to acknowledge that side of it too, especially when you're in the midst of infertility and you want to know how is the Lord going to grow our family.

Caitlin Estes (08:59)

To have a realistic perspective on that is absolutely helpful. Now you all in many seasons have put the trying to conceive journey to the side and then something you you all have still been open to conceiving but what I love is in the midst of all that God's been doing in your life you've also remained focused on honoring your body and getting the care that you deserve to have. So whether or not it leads to conception

you know that your body deserves that kind of care, which of course, you know, I completely agree. So in that process, what do you feel like has been one thing that's been most helpful or worth it? You know, what kind of treatment you've experienced so far that you feel like has been most worth it for you.

Kelsey (09:45)

Yes, well I didn't mention it before but I do have some complex chronic illnesses. So I have chronic Lyme disease and some mold toxicity mixed with celiac disease and some other things.

When I say that I've seen a lot of physicians, I really have, and I've tried a lot of different tools. And I'm not just saying this, Caitlin, because I'm on the Woven Foot Podcast, but I love Creighton. I think it is amazing, and I am so excited to have found it. And the fact that I've learned through the training...I know a lot about the body. studied science and pre-medicine and it taught me something completely different through your training and also the visual tool that it is to actually see it laid out in front of me. What's happening with my cycle has been invaluable. And then to be able to take that to the doctors, like I had surgery through Dr. Peterson, who you've had on here before a couple of years ago. And, you know, that was a tool that she used and other physicians that I've met with.

To see so that really is a great tool and I really couldn't narrow it down to just that one I had to throw another thing in there which is a continuous glucose monitor For me that has been really really helpful. In fact, I'm wearing it right now. I still wear it because You know, I didn't think that I had any issues with blood sugar because on a lot of my fasting love blood You know values they're fine and I try to eat pretty clean but I think with the chronic issues that I have my body just doesn't tolerate the carbohydrates the way that I thought that it was. So that has been very informative and I'm not sponsored or anything like that but the app Nutrisense has been so helpful to visualize what's going on and be able to log food in there and exercise and see how stress even impacts. So you know those were two of the things that I thought of right off the bat that have been tools that have been really helpful for me on our journey.

Caitlin Estes (11:48)

Well, I'm thrilled to hear that. I did not know that Creighton was going to be one of the answers to that question. So I'm so thrilled though that it is. And that's the goal is that no matter what your story is, what your reproductive intention is, what your cycle issues are, what your overall health issues are, Creighton can reveal so much information. It's very practical, very real time. So I will often talk about the fact that you can begin lifestyle changes, begin medication, begin whatever it may be, and you can actually track it on your chart to see the changes, see if it's making a difference or not making a difference, which can really help you when you are learning to advocate for yourself in the doctor's office because now you have something you can actually bring in and show them. And of course that always helps provide some clarity, especially if they're actually trained in it. If not, it still takes a little bit of adequacy, but...

Kelsey (12:44)

Absolutely.

Caitlin Estes (12:45)

Well, I, you know, we've talked about your beautiful family, adopting four children. and so I'm sure that some people may be surprised that you're sharing with us before having biological children, you know, like, isn't that supposed to be the wind? Isn't that supposed to be the outcome? But I very intentionally love to have clients on who have not been at that point.

Maybe yet, maybe ever. We don't know the Lord's story. But I know you were wanting to be really open about that as well. The journey is truly not only about the destination. You know, it's about so much more than that. So I would love to hear why did you want to speak with women right now in this particular season?

Kelsey (13:12)

Mm-hmm. Well, I think being on this journey for 12 years, I've been through many, pregnancies with people. I've walked through seasons of infertility with friends who have then gone off, know, gone out and had a baby or whatever. And I've rarely have heard of people sharing their story when they're in the middle of it, still in the trenches, still fighting, you know, still trying to go to doctor's appointments and the emotional struggle that it is. And so I always thought, you know, maybe I should share a little bit. a pretty private person, so for me this was a big leap to share our story, especially on the public platform. But I felt like people need to hear hope in the middle of it, especially when you don't know the outcome. Because I'm not guaranteed a pregnancy. That is not something that I am owed by God.

Caitlin Estes (14:15)

Yes.

Kelsey (14:23)

I hope that it will happen at some point. I mean, I'm closing in on 40. And so that's not, you know, it's you're like, no, but I just think that I go back to what I said before that pregnancy at all costs is not for me the goal. I don't want to put my body at risk or my marriage or my finances because I know God can overcome all of these things if he so chooses, and he hasn't so far. And so I think just giving people encouragement and hope and that ability to keep on pressing forward in whatever way that is. And some seasons, like you said, we haven't tried to conceive because it was not a possibility. I mean, you know, in a very focused way, getting medical attention, going to appointments, things like that, because our family needed our attention or other things required us to divert from that plan for a time.

So that and I've realized also that my value, like I mentioned, that my value and worth were very tied up in not being able to conceive. But now I realize that that is not what defines me as a person. It's, I am a mother now, but I still have that longing for a biological child. But again, I lay it down at the Lord's feet and say, you know, hey, as long as you make these doors open to us, we're going to keep walking through them to receive medical care and treatment. But it's also for the point of getting healing for my body, not just to have a baby, though that would be welcome.

Caitlin Estes (15:59)

Absolutely.

Yes, you deserve that kind of care. Whether or not you have biological children, you deserve that kind of care. That's so beautifully said. Kelsey, thank you so much for being on. Thank you for being open about all that the Lord has done in your life. The hard things, the happy things and everything in between and for sharing with our listeners today. I really appreciate it.

Kelsey (16:06)

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, you have been a blessing to my life and I just wish you all the success as you continue to do this. I know you are doing wonderful things and I am excited to continue working together.

Caitlin Estes (16:37)

Thank you, Kelsey. I appreciate that.

Kelsey (16:39)

Absolutely.

Caitlin Estes (16:41)

Listeners, as I said, success stories aren't limited to one type of success. For Kelsey, this has been a worthwhile journey of honoring her body, caring for her reproductive potential. The Lord has continued to grow their family in other beautiful ways, but this still matters. know, that change in her heart from thinking all of her value and worth came from this one thing to realizing that actually comes from the Lord. And so there's so much freedom there.

What could the Lord be inviting you to in the midst of your own unknown? Because I can promise you that he's inviting you to something. He always is. He's always drawing us into closer relationship with him. And we never know where that's going to take us, but it is always somewhere good. At Woven, we focus on educating and empowering women in all things natural fertility while honoring that deep connection between our bodies and our faith.

So if you'd like to journey with us, this podcast is a great place to start. And if you'd like to explore other ways to learn, investigate, or advocate for your own reproductive health be sure to go to our website in the show notes to do so. As always, thanks for listening as we continue to explore together what it means to be woven well.