Ep. 196: My Wife Wants to Use Natural Family Planning: A Primer Episode for Husbands (and Fiancés)

Is your wife or fiancée interested in using natural family planning or a fertility awareness method? If so, this episode is a basic introduction of :

• how fertility awareness methods function
• how effective they are for family planning
• how you can participate in the learning process and beyond 
• one method worth exploring due to its effectiveness and health benefits. 

(Women interested in using NFP or FABM -- send this episode on to the man in your life who you'd like to introduce to the topic!)

NOTE: This episode is appropriate for all audiences.

OTHER EPISODES YOU MIGHT LIKE:

Ep. 34: Is Contraception a Faithful Choice for Christians?

Ep. 67: For Men: How & Why Your Creighton Participation Matters

Ep. 17: Client Story - Kadie & Ethan

Transcript

Caitlin (00:24)
Welcome back to the Woven Well podcast. I work with a lot of couples who are interested in using fertility education to be able to plan their family. So they may be avoiding pregnancy naturally, they may be wanting to try to conceive naturally, but either way, a couple, usually a husband and wife come together to meet with me and learn this basic information. But husbands don't always attend.

So sometimes they'll come to that first introductory session and they don't really show up to all the follow-up appointments after that. And it can be really challenging for a woman to know how to explain all the things that she's just learned because it's new to her. You know, she's not an expert on it yet. So in an ideal world, the husband and wife would both be able to attend these sessions, especially the first initial ones, so that you can learn together side by side and really be able to support one another and handle situations that may come up that in the beginning feel overwhelming, you've got that team aspect there. But that doesn't always happen for one reason or another. So today's episode is a simple sort of primer for fiancés, husbands, or men who want to understand more about a couple's joint fertility. So I think we should probably start with the fact that male and female fertility are different by nature.

They both begin at puberty, but that's where things change. So male fertility begins at puberty and then it lasts all throughout his life. So really once he hits puberty, he has the possibility of fertilizing an egg the rest of his life. Now there's certainly a category of men who deal with sub fertility and that is important, but we're just talking about overall information

Also, all male reproductive organs are external and that's going to be different for women. So when you think about a female's reproductive system, her organs are all internal. So we don't see a lot of the processes happening there, but her fertility begins at puberty as well. And then it only lasts through a season that we call menopause. This is when she has her last ovulation, her last period, and then she is not fertile for the rest of her life.

On average in America, this is around age 51 and then women experience signs of perimenopause, so the body slowly getting to that point where she can no longer conceive, seven years ahead of time. So you start noticing some of those changes in the early 40s or even earlier than that. So

Her window of fertility is a lot smaller when you think about her lifetime, but it's actually even smaller than that because there are only a few days every single cycle when a woman could potentially conceive a pregnancy. This is why it's so important to understand a woman's reproductive cycle. We think about her period a lot, or this is what we hear about, talk about, whether it's on TV show or something you see online, you hear about a woman's period. But actually the main event is an event called ovulation.

This is when the reproductive egg that's been hanging out and maturing in her ovary actually leaves the ovary and has the potential to be fertilized by a waiting sperm. So you've got to have an egg and a sperm for the possibility of pregnancy, but this only happens on a few days every single cycle. This is why it's important to understand how a woman's cycle works so that you can actually know when the days of fertility are within any natural cycle.

This is helpful if you're avoiding pregnancy. It's also helpful if you're trying to conceive a pregnancy. So the big question is, how can we know when that time is coming up? How can we know if we're in that window of fertility or not? Well, even though a woman's reproductive system is all internal, her body is producing what we call reproductive biomarkers really at all times. Biomarkers are just a way that...

The body gives some sort of a signal or sign and if we can learn how to interpret it, then we know what's going on internally. So it's the same thing with your heart rate or checking your blood pressure or things like that. It lets you know what's going on internally and the state of your overall health. So the reproductive system prepares for that main event of ovulation through things like rising hormones like FSH, estrogen and LH, and they all provide signs that we can learn to interpret to be able to spot the buildup to ovulation and then know that it's over. So basically you can know when a woman has the potential to conceive and when she doesn't, if you learn how to understand these biomarkers. So what are they? Well, there's cervical mucus, basal body temperature, which is her temperature at rest. There are urinary hormones that can be tested like LH and cervical position changes. So all these things are happening every single cycle. Now, in my opinion, and potentially the woman in your life, her opinion as well, the easiest and most informative of these reproductive biomarkers is cervical mucus.

The entire Creighton model system, which is what we teach at Wove and Natural Fertility Care is built around this cervical mucus and understanding it. Well, the female body creates different types of this mucus based on where she is in her cycle. So you can actually learn to identify the mucus, not just when it's there, but what kind is there and can avoid pregnancy by abstaining from genital contact during these specific days or try to conceive by having intercourse or genital contact on any of those days. Now, obviously as the man in this situation, you're not going to be the one actually looking at cervical mucus all throughout the day. That has to fall to the woman in your life. But this mucus also provides really valuable health information. So if she's dealing with symptoms like PMS, irregular cycles, painful periods, all sorts of things, this can actually help to identify what may be causing them. And I think that's so important, especially from a male point of view, because a lot of times men don't want the women in their lives to be experiencing this. They don't want them to have painful periods. They don't want them to experience PMS, but they think, this is just a part of being a woman. Actually, that's not the case. And in fact, there are medical professionals who are trained in how to interpret the Creighton model system charts specifically because they provide so much medical data. There have actually been studies and protocols built around the consistent ability to use this data to diagnose and treat underlying issues. So a Creighton chart can provide all of that and help women advocate for the women's health support that they need and that they deserve.

So what does all of this mean for you as the fiance, as the husband, as the man who cares Well, you can still avoid pregnancy without your wife having to use birth control. Now, many guys that I know don't want their wives to be on it because of the side effects or cancer risks. It is a class one carcinogen or other concerns. Maybe they have theological concerns about the abortifacient nature of birth control. That means the possibility that a fertilized egg, an embryo would not be able to survive because of the effects of birth control, including the copper IUD, unfortunately.

Well, ultimately, it's empowering to know that God has provided a way for us to do this without any external tools. God actually built this into how a woman is designed to function. So you can work with God's design and still be able to effectively and successfully avoid pregnancy, something significant for those who are trying to conceive. So identifying a couple's joint window of fertility has a huge impact on their ability to conceive more quickly. So those without fertility issues will likely conceive within six months once they identify this window, specifically with the Creighton model system. That's what I've seen in my work.

Now for those who are struggling to conceive, this still significantly helps, but it also provides that medical data needed to get to the bottom of why it's not happening on its own. We think of infertility as this permanent diagnosis, but it's actually more of a symptom that says that we ought to explore why it hasn't happened so far.

If both reproductive systems are designed to be able to reproduce and that's not happening, then there's gotta be a cause. And so we think it's worth investigating why, looking into it a little bit and getting to that underlying condition or more. Now Creighton model specifically gives us insightful information as to why this isn't happening. And then there are trained medical professionals who work to directly address those issues and restore healthy functioning.

So when you think about how to utilize this information, especially from a male perspective, one of the things I like to recommend is think about what your wife needs from you. First of all, your support and encouragement. I cannot tell you how critical that is and just what a difference that it makes. Let her know that you're on board and you're willing to take the time to adjust to this new thing that is.

Foreign to both of you, neither one of you have ever done this before, so it's gonna take time to learn and it's gonna take time to figure out how to do this together, but be a support, be an encouragement, and it really is going to make a big impact on her to know that you're there to support her. By the way, just listening to this episode is a great first step. I can tell you it means something to her that you chose to listen to it, so thank you. Also, your participation and communication in the process can make a big difference.

And that can look like different things.

Ideally, if you can attend sessions with her, that is fantastic because you actually get to learn together and will know just as much as she does. And what that means is you can actually tag team this process. Like I mentioned earlier, when something comes up and maybe she feels overwhelmed or a little bit unsure, she can talk with you about it and you're not just listening. You can actually give feedback and opinion and really do this together.

But it could also look like something like you could chart with her at the end of the day. So she writes down on her chart what she sees. You could participate by doing that with her or maybe putting the stamp on. Maybe you just remind her to chart before you all go to bed. You could even lead the way in checking in about your pregnancy intentions that month. It may change over time. You may be stirred to think differently about your intentions one way or the other, or maybe she's feeling that way, but bringing that up in a really casual, safe, and open way can be an opportunity to participate. Maybe you even talk about making a plan for how you'll continue to show love to one another during those days of fertility. So if you're avoiding pregnancy, then

Every cycle, there are going to be a few days when you together could potentially conceive. That's a beautiful potential, something that we want to honor and respect, but it also means that if you're not trying to get pregnant, then you're not going to be having general contact on those days.

Don't make her the bad guy for having to remind you that it's a day of fertility. Look at the chart together, speak openly and honestly, be a team. After all, your fertility is a joint venture. It's not just her that's fertile, you are fertile too. In fact, you're fertile every single day. So keep that in mind as you think about your fertility together. There is a lot more that could be said, but these are the basics. This is why she's interested in exploring this option with you.

It's natural, effective, informative, it's well established and valuing of our body and of yours. It's an approach to procreation that says that her body matters even when you're not trying to conceive. And if conception isn't happening when you'd like, there are ways to investigate why. This is something that means something to her. It is valuable. And so because you are her fiance or your husband, I hope that it will matter to you too.

If you have follow up questions about this, feel free to actually submit them through the link in the show notes. I would be happy to do as many follow up episodes as we need to. Your questions matter to me. I know that when I'm working with a couple, it's not just a woman looking at women's health, but a couple looking at their fertility as well. Then the man's questions and his confidence, it matters just as much as hers. You are a critical part of making this process easy and effective and so I'm very much happy to help. And if you're willing, take a second to leave a review if this was helpful. all of our reviews have been from women so far, so it would be fantastic to have a few from men sharing what they found helpful. It's not just women looking for ways to better understand how fertility works after all.

I hope this was helpful and informative. As always, thanks for listening as we continue to explore together what it means to be woven well.